can't wait to become frozen: 2018​-​2021

by the sleeping bag

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1.
coming apart again 03:17
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i've turned into a person i have never loved my stomach turns my hands are cold still lying face down and open exacting my revenge upon the carpet my face is swollen my mouth is numb my teeth are black shiny razor sharp waiting to sink right in to unheld hands and wrists paper thin sunlight's fistfight comes breaking in to my eyes stretching out falling down or coming apart again
2.
you know (live at surface noise) 04:36
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months go by in purgatory is this my life forever? sometimes i don't know if she means the words she says why do we blame ourselves for these things we have no control over why do we pretend like we can dance around our feelings theres a light somewhere inside her and i feel it getting dimmer sometimes i think you hate me i don't want to be that person oh you know oh you know now mornings just get harder and my memory gets worse the colors come in blurry and the lights keep looking staler my blood will leave my body and to dust i will return i'm moving to the country you know that big space past the clouds theres a light somewhere in all of us and i feel it getting dimmer i'll die thinking you hate me i don't want to be that person oh you know oh you know oh you know oh you know when i meet the guy who fucked up and set me on this planet i'll ask him what his plans were when he got around to you did he make us just like pieces our life the jigsaw puzzle or were we always jagged was this not a perfect fit there's a light somewhere inside me and i feel it getting dimmer you think you're so above me and you're probably but as leather binds to my back through the flames inside this car i'm not screaming i'm not crying i don't want to be that person oh you know oh you know oh you know oh you know
3.
remedy for loneliness 02:12
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second wave of neutral position i find myself collapsed in transition with a real nice suit and greasy hair surrounded by friends and thick grey air behold my new remedy for loneliness and hold my head in steady hands finding warmth beneath your blankets and deadly stares stupid fast kisses your hands in my hair we'll both be released into the dead night air behold my new living without care and breaking ancient rules written by the parents who were never there finding warmth within your coat and moonlight glare
4.
the museum 02:43
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do you wanna come over for dinner we can have appalachian shark yeah my momma could cook for you if you ask her to we can have date night at the museum we might even see a real one a a picture of the ocean do you promise not to cry you have to me promise me not to cry do you wanna come over and go hunting you can shoot a raccoon the size of a great dane in my backyard i promise to be good to you if that's all I gotta do we can go to the museum we might even see a a picture of nature do you promise me you won't cry you've got to promise that you won't it's your price to get inside it's your prize to ride the last wave out tonight
5.
i can't stop loving you 04:26
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i can't stop loving you i made up my mind to live in memory of a lonesome time i can't stop wanting you it's useless to say so i'll just live my life in dreams of yesterday those happy hours that we once knew though long ago they still can make me blue they say that time heals a broken a heart but time has stood still you see since we've been apart i can't stop loving you i've made up my mind to live in memories of the loneliest times those happy hours that we once knew although long ago they still can make me blue they say that time can heal a broken heart but time has stood still since we've been apart i can't stop loving you it's useless to say so i'll just live my life in the dreams of yesterday
6.
black ink 02:14
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two lives to be ripped apart forever remaining friends but at what cost sanity, nights of sleep our consciouses cleaned of memories innocent the children say i love you through old retreads of tired slurs to which i fall asleep in the backseat drunken breath smiles helps me show my teeth black ink inscribed on my brain telling me myself and i i fucked it up but its okay
7.
8 to 18 in 8 minutes (live at steven house) 05:09
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dynamite inside of my chest ready to blow spraying everything on everyone in a crowded room i think i'm gonna be sick you wanna know how i really feel ask me what i think about you and him you wanna know how I really feel ask me where I've been i dare you I'm only four minutes in and i'm stuck to the floor like glue you better stay down boy if you know what's really good for you but i've got another twenty minutes left so i will stand up to rot and sweat in my little corner of the world stacking up my broken bones you wanna know how i really feel ask me what I think about your new friend you wanna know how i really feel you wanna know how i really feel think about the times i've kept you up at night you wanna know how i really feel i don't think you do just a tear in the crack on the sidewalk stumble down broadway find your way back in the dead of night dark sunglasses turn the headlights grey and the rest of world to that perfect shade of never mind who will i be when the credits roll drunk thoughts can sting til i sleep them off who will i be when the credits roll drunk thoughts sitting in my mind
8.
sing 05:22
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when i'm home there's a song to sing will you teach it to me? under the kitchen sink why did you go and hide it from me? when i'm gone there's a glass to drink will you drink it for me? silly faces in the mirror get serious and try to speak if everyone else was blind would you be naked all the time? and if nobody else could sing what would you sing? even when you're losing your mind would you still think of me from time to time? and if you couldn't sing would you listen to me? could you help me ring another plastic bell? it's safe to say i miss you more than hell when i am locked up inside of that room sticking a nail into my ear to twist out some fucked up hope and where there is pain you can trust you'll find fear can you brave this for me? it's all i can ask of you to do but i could never find the guts to if i thought i would see fame i'd take the steps and change my name if i thought it could hurt you then you should too we could run away wasting our time oh baby we could run away we could learn how to sing would you help me wring another heart out?
9.
i can't wait to get better 06:08
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saliva falling down my neck puddling at my feet somewhere across the room through dark curtains i see you please stop and speak to me please pull me out of this i'm scared and there are many walls around i know you can see me i can't wait to get better where my body loses balance i prayed you would be there it was something so dream like i should've known my hope can hurt me it's over the feeling is just stuck and it comes down from above i hope it hurts i know that it can't kill me i can't wait to get better when something takes my being if the earth will even have me i will have so many questions can it kill me
10.
i think you're really beautiful 04:03
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i talked to you exchanging 4-5 sentences you left the room it all got really quiet i thought you liked me i thought someone liked me we spoke again exchanging 1-2 sentences leaned up against the wall i was on you took so many pictures i thought you liked me i thought someone liked me i think you’re really beautiful i never know the right things to say i think you’re really beautiful i hope this is the right thing to say i fell deep in love and i didn’t know how to wear my clothes your golden glasses on my face and my stupid hat on your head blonde curling hair cradling early summer air leaned up against the wall i was on i smoked my nasty cigarette i thought you liked me i thought someone liked me i think you’re really beautiful i never know the right words to sing i think you’re really beautiful i think and think and think i think you’re really beautiful i never know the right words to sing i think you’re really beautiful i never know the right words to say
11.
sidekick 03:25
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(maybe that's a good thing) keep pushing forward but i feel my legs giving out down another quarter for a sad song to confirm my doubts i lost a friend i lost a sidekick i lost a friend and I'm having those dreams again i lost a friend i lost a sidekick i lost a friend but that jukebox can sing my friend i'm going out almost every night drown in the pain or drowning my appetite lost sense of self i'm no one without them done to myself so i shut off from all of it couldn't have helped you couldn't do anything i blame myself stuck in the way it is it is it is such bullshit keep pushing forward but i feel my legs giving out down another quarter for a sad song to confirm my doubts i lost a friend i lost a sidekick i lost a friend and i'm having those dreams again i lost a friend i lost a sidekick i lost a friend but that jukebox can sing me to sleep
12.
he's not coming back (in the garden) 06:16
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fades off the pages he's not coming back fades off the planet he's not coming back he's not coming home he's not on his way he's not coming back he's gone too stay spend your days left in the garden spend your days left in the garden you’re beautiful you’re still beautiful to me i was small when i realized that death is with us and i was small when i thought that god was there too i was shaken by your thunder and remained so cautious i felt fissures in my heart when i heard you say i don’t love you spend your last days in the garden spend your last days in the garden you’re beautiful you’re still beautiful to me
13.
talking to zack about 'friend' 04:16
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talkin
14.
flowers (rehearsal in zack's apartment) 04:38
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it’s not much but i guess this means happy birthday i was just gonna leave these here but i think i’ll stay it’s really pretty outside and part of me imagines you can see it and part of me imagines you can’t see it and that’s just the way you like it i catch all the worms beneath the surface i bring you home with me until they die and your invisible body moves through the house picking up picture frames and throwing a blanket over me where i lay asleep on the couch is that you over there in the corner cupboard inside my coat on the wall ready to put it on and walk back to your grave stepping over flowers for your birthday
15.
crashed (waste) 06:10
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helpless little thing can’t pretend to save its life can’t remember where it come from can’t describe its face fell from clouds to canyons lived in hellish ways fell from clouds to canyons waste of fucking space waste of fucking brains got lost inside the maze traces back its footsteps and stuffs itself with hay (the next thing is f which should sound like this) crashed from clouds to canyons vanished without a trace sweet blood leaks through my fingers on your birdshot melted face peek through the screen and they’re dancing and laughing peel back the skin where they’re holding you down i can’t even speak i can’t hear you breathing you’re not next to me i don’t feel you leaving crashed from clouds to canyons you waste out your lungs (yeah yeah yeah) crashed from clouds to canyons you cut out his tongue
16.
humor me 04:51
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humor me cause i need a little proof tonight the moon is big and bright don't try to shield your eyes i heard what's in your heart it's what's been hiding in the dark oh we were over from the start it's too bad that we can't speak now because we ran our luck out of time what could we be besides our emotions if we built this love on all our lies we send our prayers to all the sinners in their backseats making lives and we pass love notes out of anger we are bored but we're doing alright we are bored but we're doing just fine humor me cause i need a little more than you the moon turns back to blue and we follow suit i can see it in your art how we've grown so far apart we knew we were over from the start i know i've been looking for love in all the wrong places i know i've been looking for love in all the wrong places and the feelings are all gone now i wrote some down to pass the time but that left me stranded with these sad songs so i'll grow up and fall in line we send our prayers out to the sinners having bad sex and living short lives and we scream god speed may god bless you we are bored but we're doing alright we're a little bored but we're doing just fine
17.
sway yourself (a good thing goin' on) 06:42
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half asleep and hoping there's not mud on my shoes i guess i've got something pretty valuable to lose tried my best not to wake you it didn’t work cause you’ve been up all night well baby so am i so am i i guess i’ve got something i guess we’ve got a good thing goin on i’ve just been wrapped up in doubt for so long sway yourself to the music you sure know how to make me cry before i go to sleep tonight i will write down the happiest moments of my life if moving on is moving upward i guess i’ve got a good thing goin on i’ve just been stuck in this bout for so long when i hear that fateful bell chime i thank my lucky stars and kiss the sky i think it’s all too serious absolutely no one is waiting for us to arrive arrive arrive arrive arrive i know i’ve got something i know that I’ve got a good thing goin on i’ll be right back where i was before long
18.
i think you're really beautiful (demo) 02:41
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i talked to you exchanging 4-5 sentences you left the room we all got really quiet i thought you liked me i thought someone liked me we talked again exchanging 1-2 sentences leaned up against the wall i was on you took so many pictures i thought you liked me i thought someone liked me i think you're really beautiful i never know the right things to say i think you're really beautiful i hope this is the right thing to say i think you're really beautiful i never know the right things to say i think you're really beautiful i think i think i think
19.
my headless body won't drown 04:58
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he picks me up in my driveway we smile and talk so loud i can’t stop thinking was he the one who found her the one who gave me a chance and helped me out of hell who saw someone possible in me someone great that i will never meet welcomed by new friends soon becoming family i was loved never looking back i thank you for all you’ve given me i was the boy whose brain was fried to dust i watched myself screaming for help through the surface of my nadir my headless body won’t drown my headless body won’t drown
20.
how will i know you're there? (live at the gayrage) 04:30
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i don't wanna i don't wanna go to bed i can't face myself i can't be alone at night speak to me speak to me speak to me speak to me i don't wanna i don't wanna go to bed i can't face myself i can't be alone at night when they hold you when they reach their broken arms when you look back do you wanna turn around speak to me speak to me speak through me speak to me speak to me speak to me speak to me if i ever get scared now suppose i lose my way and i need you so much how will i know you're there how will i know it's you how will i know you're there i had visions i had people speak to me singing softly softly singing me to sleep
21.
dancing with strangers 03:56
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turning nice days into shitty drunken nights i’m trading in all of my fake time for a real life 
this time there’s no question why i used to give myself to the people who hurt me to eat and grind until they let me walk away but this time there’s no question why tonight tonight i am dancing with all of my friends until they leave me spinning again they leave their love marks under the skin this time there’s no question why i am dancing with strangers tonight i am dancing with strangers tonight i couldn’t care if they kiss or bite my hearts stains the floor red and bright my heart bites goodnight
22.
pulling the strings 04:03
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why do people still die some kind of fucked up magnet sitting in the sky or is it someone up above you and me pulling the strings why are morons given such power new fucked up thing happened on tv every hour on the hour on the hour is there someone up above floating over the scene pulling the strings why are beasts so good at hiding inside you and me we shove them down as far as we can as far as we can is there someone up above who put this in is pulling the strings how do actors' parents feel when their kids are killed by bullets in movies is there someone above pulling the string tied to the trigger

about

a definitive, intimate, and intimidating collection of my unreleased and unfinished work spanning the past 3 years (what you could call my 'computer music era'). many of the songs that are compiled here were forgotten, abandoned, or worse-- lost forever. "can't wait to become frozen / stuck to a wall outside the snow factory" was how i had described feeling forgotten, abandoned, and hopelessly lost once.

looking at a calendar this year has been fucking terrifying knowing that i spent the majority of this year digging, and digging, and digging. it makes me want to release all of it and be done finally. and i know there will be no better feeling once it's all gone and i never have to question myself again about "maybe i can throw 'i can't wait to get better' into the track list of this new album?" or "maybe i should get the old computer fixed and finish the 'dancing with strangers' or 'no more feelings' albums..."

but maybe i'm too far away from all of that now and as much as i hate abandoning all of it, it undeniably feels great knowing that there is so much more to come and everything else will stay right where it is in my rear view mirrors, just in case i ever feel like turning around.

credits

released December 17, 2021

doug campbell - the sleeping bag.

zack meredith - backing vocals and synthesizer on 'coming apart again'. falsetto vocals on 'black ink'. recording and speaking on 'talking to zack about 'friend''. bass, backing vocals and recording on 'flowers'. recording on 'how will i know you're there?'.

jeff jobson - recording on 'you know'.

ethan tracy - organ, backing vocals on 'sidekick'. recording on 'how will i know you're there?'.

noah colston - recording and mixing on "8 to 18 in 8 minutes".

ian gordon - recording on "8 to 18 in 8 minutes".

austin 'gnomewalls' palmer - recording on 'the confusing meaning of 'call me when you get there!''

"i can't stop loving you" written by don gibson.

photographs by zach nelson.

special thanks to syd bishop, isaiah kingsberry, jeff stepp, jenny marion, jenny osbourne, marcus osbourne, caroline moore, connor christopher, joe campbell, z perez, connor kissel, chase ruel, deron munroe, austin palmer, zach nelson, evan harris, chris cupp, zonny mondo, ethan tracy, zack meredith, mom and dad, jack and rylee gordon, levi (can’t believe i don’t know this mf's last name), justin deener, sara collins, nathan thompson, ian gordon, micah allen, wade balcolm, and levi fsadni. all of you have inspired me, encouraged me to continue, and have contributed directly or indirectly to my never ending love for music in some way, shape or form. words cannot express my gratitude for that and so i give you these songs.

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the sleeping bag Louisville, Kentucky

doug campbell makes cool music.

louisville.

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